I wanted to write something.I used about 15 minute to think
what I wanted to say..
And guess what,I only spend 2 second to erase all and type this
out..Well,there goes 15 minute of my life.

It happens because I love you,not because I hate you or love
picking a fight.But will you actually understands it??I guess not.
This is why non of my relationship get to last..LOL..

"You Belong With Me"

It is said that from the moment we are born until
we die,we will meet 30000 people.

Among them whom we meet at school and work
are 3000.

The people who are close to us are 300.

I'm glad to have you in my 300.


p.s. The first 3 sentence sounds familiar??

-I'm still alive
-3 more months to go
-I'm still slacking
-I'm officially sick
-I'm feeling tired
-I'm feeling sleepy
-I'm typing nonsense
-Now,I'm going to bed

I really hope you would stop doubting yourself.I really
think you're great and I'm glad to have you by my side.
And even happier knowing you're stuck with me

New things happen,old events remains as memory.
I like how events begin to unfold now.My only wish is
that it will not be a dream I have to wake up sooner
or later.

I guess it's not fun anymore
maybe because
I had given it to you.

The name St.John Institution once gave birth to some of the great leaders in Malaysia today.Our very own YDP Najib our Prime Minister was once a student in SJI.Another was Hishamuddin.Anyone don't know him?It's okay.It's not that important.

The point is the name SJI was once the name of a prestigious school in Malaysia and what is VI compare to SJI back then.Sometimes its really great to listen to the older generation brag how great SJI WAS and laugh about it when you experienced how is SJI TODAY.

Like many of us,we are all proud to call ourself Johannian and possesses the Johannian Spirit.Well I'm including myself in this case but the truth is,how many of us actually know what is the true meaning of Johannian Spirit?Try asking any so called Johannian,see how many turn mute upon hearing such question.

In the past,this school was more famous for its co-curiculum achievement.If you walk along the portico,there are dozens of trophy showing our achievement in the past.Yes it is the reason we got into the group of 'Cluster School of Excellence".And yet,ever since the changing of principle in the year 2002,students are forced to concentrate on academics almost too much that some might have to abandon sports.Ridiculous??Welcome to SJI,a school that have at least 2 times examination a month.

A case in point,after a 7 year streak U-18 basketball team manage to get a gold at Zone Keramat,we manage to get a silver this year,2009.A memorable year where tradition is broken,winning streak was stopped.The best part,U-15.Lets put it simple,its like watching a bunch of dwarf tossing the ball around.Another was scrabble,EVERY YEAR without fail since long long time ago,we always make it to the national after dominating in KL and last year 2008 we FAILED.

Academically,it's definately going down the drain.With more failures and less A achievers,no doubt setting up more exam is an epic failure.The best part is all the experienced a great teachers of SJI are 1 by 1 leaving us.Earlier of last year,Pn.Norbani a very good math/add math teacher left us for VI.This year,another one just left us.Cik Aziah,the only teacher so far that can control the From 3 little kids.Mr.David a dedicated and devoted johannian gonna be spending his final year in SJI.

I guess now it's safe to say,SJI is definately going downhill from now on.The chance of reviving this very ancient school seems almost impossible or rather it is impossible at this point.There is just too much event that holding down SJI from rising to the top again.But the main prob is definately him.Someone who can't speak english nor malay well and yet still talking is the main contributer of this downfall.Someone who can always find a way to demotivate a student.I salute him,the reason.,the contributer,the cause and the creater of this EPIC FAILURE.

There is another guy who talked about it.This is just a continuation or maybe it's just from my point of view.Check it out HERE

Anyone who has different point of view can always write about it.It's nice looking SJI from a different point of view.

Reason SJI won the recent State level band competition
1.VI did not join
2.Still..VI did not join
3.VI too busy with cows??

I'm not trying to be a wet blanket or anything..It's just
my thought..But still,we are the champs..

What Do
You See
When You
Look At
Me?

Enjoy..Something my sisters got addicted to

Been very LAZY to touch this blog.Juggling between
homework,study and mostly playing..Feel like
hibernating this blog for a moment.Exam coming soon.

Oh yea,this is the first year the prefect board cause so
much trouble..We did something..A almost petition like
suggestion and end up with 40 plus of us got to sign some
funny form which we practically wrote the same thing..
Wouldn't be surprise if I have to wear green again..

Lower 6 coming in..More things to take care of..Life really
gonna be quite hectic beginning next week at least for
all of the Form 6 students..


The feeling I'm running away from is has just caught up
to me

I just watched videoscope..Featured artist
KEANE..I wonder how long have it been since
last I listen to it..Miss those old songs..
Everybody Changing
Somewhere Only We Know
The Last Time
Bedshapped
Crystal Ball

Friday-Sports Day at Bukit Jalil
Saturday-MUET exam

Wonderful weekend..

Taking A Step Forward And Three Step Backward

With friendship breeds love...
With love here comes hatred...

Felt like writing some nonsense..

I really been planning to update this blog but always I
logged in I wrote nothing and click the red box with the
X in it..I guess I just gonna put something short..I heard
of something quite interesting..

Not all happiness is good..The only good happiness is the
one you have to pay for it..

I just feel so tired today..Very hot headed..It feels
like the whole world is enemy..Is it because I just
know that my Biology teacher will be one of the
teacher in-charge of my class for Report Card Day??
Or is it some other strange factor I have not notice.

This is seriously crappy..

Humans are just complicated and they also likes to
complicated matter..For example,an author wrote a
thick book just to explain why 1+1=2..Sounds stupid
isn't it??

They can also be very unpredictable at the same time.One
moment they can be someone close to you and next,they
are the one who stab you(literally) or by the means of
hurting your feeling..

Great isn't it??When you feel that you became comfortable
with another idiot,the next thing is he/she might just
use your weakness to destroy you.Letting someone too close
and this is the rubbish you get..It's like the more anyone
knows you,the easier for someone to destroy you..

And this is why,only a very little people have seen me without
a mask.And if you think you seen the real me,think again,it might
just me putting on a different mask..


I'm just scare..

Nostalgic..
I'm walking away from memories I cherished the most
and yet I'm hoping it could have a longer story to it..


Oh yea,SJI will be having a some who knows
Family/Canteen day on the 18th of april..Anyone
interested do contact me cause you need to get nonsensical
RM 10 coupon..
Those who are not interested,don't bother..

Exam over..And the worse has yet to come..
11 April 2009-Report Card Day..(Im SO DEAD)
Im so freaking screwed now..Wonder what will happen
after that day..

Proud user if TmNut..Whole day internet freaking slow..
Took me dont know how long just to load to this page and
the best part..I manage to log in msn but when I send any
messages this is what I get..

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:

Cheers for streamyx for such wonderful service..

First day of exam..Chemistry and PA..
My feedback..

Chemistry-Nice..Its shows how stupid I really am..

PA-Excited..A nightmare but you cant wake up..

So lets see,tomorrow is going to be Math..Most probably
something horrible again..

Good Luck People We All Will Need It


What Do You See When You See Me

There is school today!
WTH..Seriously I have no idea..I kept thinking holiday.
I even watch TV until practically late..And I couldn't
sleep..Rolling on the bed staring at the blank ceiling..

I felt so dead today at class...Very very very sleepy..
Words coming out of teachers felt like lullaby..
Im taking a nap now..Felt like collapsing..Chiaoz.

I just woke up when I received a call asking me to
go to lunch at SP..Freaking last minute but I guess
I'm actually used to it..

Lunch
Game
Dinner
Football

I have no idea how to write today down..
More than what I expect but it's fun..Very..
I think I will just keep it short for today..Chiaoz..


If you find a man that worth a damn and treat you well

I think I just scared someone in class.She woke me
up and I somehow unconsciously scolded her for no
reason..Too bad,this is my 'just woke up' mind..
Unlucky her..Friday the 13th..

What else can I say,my exam in 1 week time and teacher
starting to target their pupil to score..And a lot more
of lecture about the horrible recently out STPM result.

quote
"We(the teachers) already working hard to help,its the
student themself must work.We got past record of
student scoring cGPA 4.0."

I lost count on how many times she said it since last year
and you would think she will eventually get bored saying
it to a bunch of hooligans..

Anyway,holiday just begun..This is going to be fun..
As if it will..Im making the best out of it..Anyone joining
me crazy this week??


Gives You Hell

Team Sultan..
Rama-rama..
Tidak boleh dihentikan..

Try putting bunch of idiots and this is what you get..
Some crappy nonsense made up on the spot and
expanded until it sounded so real..Today has been
really a crazy day..First time I got to forget everything
and just have fun..Lets do it more often..


Craving For Just A Lil Bit More

It's been quite some time since I felt this way.I
am starting to feel different.I'm feeling sleepy
again in class..Well,back to square one..

I FREAKING HATE IDIOTS WHO CANT
PERFORM SIMPLE TASK..

I now understand why other clubs chosen form 6
to head a certain club..Form 5 idiots all can't
be depended on..Ugh..


Wanting To Let Go,Always Fail

This whole week has been a miss..Modem blown
up,computer having some minor problem but solved..
Been thinking a whole lot more lately..Wishing a
whole lot more..I really wonder,when will all this
come to an end..I'm tired of it..I'm wasting my time
waiting for something so impossible to happen and
yet here I am still waiting..

Guess what,I've been trying to be just a little bit more
serious and obviously I failed miserably..Insaf-a word
means nothing to me..

Hey,we are all still here for you..If you need or want
anything feel free to ask..Cheer up..
p.s. Message to all idiots who are emo-ing


When Will This End

I know what is going on..I think I will just
let it go the way you want it to be this time..
I'm not stupid I'm also not an ignorant fool,
just this once I guess I let you people choose
the scenario you all want it to be..


Sick Of This Nonsense

I JUST CAME HOME !

Practically we had a meeting just for lunch and random
events just take place and yea this is the time I reached
home..

After school met up with Mao at his office..1 p.m..Very
near to SJI only..Then we went Mid Valley to meet up
with them..Joe,Justin,Shan,Ho and someone whose name
I can't remember..I doubt I can remember the face also.
We had our lunch at TomyRomas..And sadly,I didn't
pay anything..Please next time ask me whether I agree or
not first please...Really feel bad!!!

Then after the lunch the two girls went home..The rest
of us continue our day at Asia Cafe til 9 something..
Ho went home leaving four of us dinner there..Met
someone else on the way home..Alvin..Suddenly saw him
sitting at a table at AC..

After that,this is where I am..Home..Tired sleepy and I
haven't even shower..Going now..Toodlez.


I Need To Pull Myself Together

Enneagram

I just finish something I found on Joelee blog..
Some enneagram thingy..Kinda interesting..
Here's my result..Somehow fits except the last
paragraph.

4.The Individualist

People of this personality type tend to build
their identities around their perception of
themselves as being somehow different or unique
; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. Fours
tend to see their difference from others as being both
a gift and a curse - a gift, because it sets them apart
from those they perceive as being somehow "common
," and a curse, as it so often seems to separate them
from the simpler forms of happiness that others so
readily seem to enjoy. Thus, Fours can manage to feel
superior to others while also secretly harboring some
degree of longing and envy. A feeling of being a
member of the "true aristocracy" alternates with deep
feelings of shame, and fears of somehow being deeply
flawed or defective.

Fours are emotionally complex and highly sensitive.
They long to be understood and appreciated for thei
r authentic selves, but easily feel misunderstood and
unappreciated. They have a tendency to withdraw
in the face of a world that seems harsh or crude,
and are often somewhat moody or temperamental.
They are emotionally centered and spend much of
their lives immersed in their internal mental
landscapes, where they feel free to cultivate and
analyse their feelings. A desire to manifest this internal
world often leads Fours to an interest in the arts, and
some do become actual artists. Whether artistic or not
, however, most Fours are aesthetically sensitive and
concerned with self-expression and self-revelation,
whether it be in the clothes they wear or in the
overall nature of their often idiosyncratic lifestyles.

Fours are somewhat melancholic by disposition,
and under stress tend to lapse into depression.
They also tend to be self-absorbed, even under
the best of circumstances, but when unbalanced,
easily give way to a self-indulgence which they
perceive as being fully justified as a way to compensate
for the general lack of pleasure they experience in
their lives. Rather than look for practical solutions
to their difficulties, Fours are prone to fantasizing
about a savior who will rescue them from their
unhappiness.

Intellectual Fours tend to mistakenly type themselves
as Fives, and a heavy wing can certainly exacerbate
this tendency. Fours however, unlike Fives, tend to be
self-revealing and comfortable with emotional expression.

The link could be found on his blog if you want try it out.
Oh yea,the result also shows in almost very similar to
Six


Fading Into Darkness

谢谢 Balloon for your time wasted hearing my nonsensical
ranting..

Thank you so much..Although you made me realise I
had a bad habit of chasing out everyone who almost
able to figure me out,out of my life..Lets see,up to now
2 person and 1 almost..But soon hopefully not.I'm sorry
if anyone of you reading this..It took me 4 years just to
realise my habit..


Made A Promise That There Will Not Be A Fourth

What quality/characteristic I'm proud of in myself?
I answered some funny answer..But I guess if i were
to take it seriously,it is most probably my ability to
never put myself into stressful position..The don't care
attitude I have contributes to it..

'Screw it','whatever happen let it be'..Sounds very cliche
already and to everyone around me..I guess I only care
about something I really love..STPM??One day I will
take interest in it,til then...

Anyone up for lunch??Been going home without any lunch.


Happiness In Misery

Today..After so long(few month),finally went to
Times Square and also Pavilion..Can't say I missed
the place but I guess since something happen I
really don't wanna step into those place again..

Oh yea,today went to TS with Teng and Icky..
Somehow I became the lamp post.Plus wearing
bright colour T-shirt..White!We went Neway and
we let Victor entertain us with his act..People go
there sing we go there watch show??

After that we went Pav..Meet up with Lynn and Simon.
And officially I am the lamp post for 2 couple..Not
that I'm proud of it but...Awkward !Dinner then shopping
then went home.Reach around 10 !So late !

Today I did something I was reluctant to do the last few
months..The last moment messages in my phone,
I DELETED IT !
I ACTUALLY DELETED IT !


Hoping To Begin A New Chapter

Have been hearing The Time Of My Life by
David Cook..Over and over again..
The first time I heard it was in the La Sallian
Convention and finally found what song is that.


Only Being An Idiot Observer

Futsal?

I really missed it..This kind of outting..
Feel like so long never done something like this.
Since CNY..How long has it been??Looking
forward for the coming Tuesday..Karaoke !
Come to think of it,I really haven't confirm the
time..

Tay take care when you're going back Australia..
July lets do this kind of thing again..

Time to sign out..I still got loads of Chem work
needed to be done..And its 7.15..Great 2 more
hours to finish 20+ question..


The Irony Of Being In A Different Society

I realised today..I had done nothing...
Nothing given nothing received nothing to
be remembered of..The past the presence will
one day fade into oblivion..Nothing for me to
hang on to..Memories..How long could I hold
on to it??

Oh yea,I just screwed up 3 paper today..This is
definately going to be interesting to listen what
the teachers gonna comment..And to be exact,
5 papers total I screwed up...Form 6,seriously
don't even have any thought about taking it..

Anyone spending today alone??


My Life Would Suck Without You

My friend said this..Got black eye ring easier got
heart problem..How true is it??Anyone heard this
nonsense before??

Oh yea,I found something on valentine.
Check it out at Christina's blog

If you fall you know I'll be there for you

I was doing MUET and came across some personality
that relate to how long you get to live..And guess what,
I strike 2 personality that causes people to have a
short life..Here it goes..

SHY
Socially-inhibited people are more vulnerable to viral
infections,suggests research from the University of
California.In animal studies,scientists found that
gregarious types had more active protective lymph nodes
-which are part of the body's immune system and help
to destroy infectious germ-than shy types..

PESSIMISTIC
Those who always expect the worst will find that when it
comes to health,they are right:pessimists have 19%
increased risk of early death compared to optimists.
Researchers in America have also found that people who
are pessimistic have an increased risk of developing
Parkinson's disease decades later.However,it remains
unclear whether it is anxiety or pessimism or a common
genetic predisposition that are the risk factors for the
disease....


And there is more..Lazy type too many..Still got
-Cheerful-early death
-Optimistic
-Conscientious
-Extrovert


Lucky I did not get cheerful..If not surely die super young..
Now oso jackpot 2 early death personality..Come to think
of it,I guess it's really not that bad after all..I'm being
pessimistic again..LOL..

Chemistry,PA,Math...I throwing this 3 subject to the drain.
Time to enjoy..Toodles..

How long has it been since I ran round the
basketball court and doing suicide??I can't
believe my stamina couldn't even last....
This really sucks,stamina like shit..All the
hard stamina training last time wasted just
like that.............

Oh yea,I be having my test tomorrow..
Biology and MUET..And guess what,I'm still
here blogging and playing and planning to
sleep..There goes Bio and MUET...

Sleep ~

You'll be surprise that I'm still very much alive
if you know the way I think or even they way I
view this world.But then again,who will know what
am I thinking..Or rather who can..

Currently addicted to
-I'm yours ~Jason Mraz
-Your call ~ Secondhand Serenade
-Take My hand ~ Simple Plan

Time to study..Seriously no joke..

My whole body aching..
It's really been so long since I played serious.
Despite my lack of stamina I manage to have fun.
Under all the pain,I feel great..Satisfied..
But I could do better..

Damn my right arm really hurting badly..
I really forgot to take care of it..

I really haven't been doing much..
Exam starting next thursday and yet...

Gap begin to widen..
Trust starts to fade..
Still hanging on...

My leg starts to hurt again.
Living the days
My heart bleeds.
Without you
I feel sleepy all the time..
A lot things really changed..Is it 2 months that
long for everyone to be so different??Or is it
just me so rooted by the past...Feelings haven't
change.Still stuck with the past.Attitude surely
haven't...
By my side
I could only wish that I could see more happy faces
around me.Just to mask what I can't do lately..
Genuine smile.

I think I'm going to take a nap..Byez..

Lets see what to write with this half dead brain..
Addicted to posting at this hour of the day..
Just deleted the ad post..ISA mari then die...
Has only 4 hours of nap in the past 60 hours..

Yesterday went to Li Jia's birthday/farewell?? party.
It was fun..Although only few of our batch went..
It was all fun and the food was great(BBQ)
Basically the dad does everything and we just sat down
and eat and drink to our heart content.

The best part was at the end of it.You will definately
laugh your ass off seeing it.Oh yea,Li Jia you surely
gonna forget everything you did but no worry.Most of us
has different videos of the whole scene.

Extra notes..
Li Jia-So sorry only brought two sikat pisang go there

Fi-Same so sorry somehow scolded you for no reason.

Theng-Good job although she gonna murder you for what
you did..

Look at the time..And I'm suppose to wake up early
tomorrow..I mean today.........

This is going to be fun..CNY without the worry of the
nonsense called homework.How many of us are
actually giving a damn about the work in the first place.
Oh yea,today is Friday.Just merely 4 more days til
they day uniform will be our attire for 6 hours.

Anyone who forgot about school or even homework.
2 thumbs up.I salute thee..


I'm going to bed.Good night...


..and the time strike 4.34am when I cllick publish post..

It's damn nice reading the past messages.
You'll be shock with things you can say.Surprised !
The happy moments all saved in a conversation log.
The sad times revived by the log.But overall,
it's still a laughing matter.The foolishness in your own
words that you will never notice,the potential hurtful
sentences you wish never been told.

Or sometimes,you wish you said something different.
Ever wondered about the result?What might this happen
or will this even happen?Reading and thinking while
losing in Blackjack!!!

I'm sure you have heard many times.Don't drink and drive.
I think for me the best would surely be..
Don't think and drive.
I saw my entire life flashes right in front
of my life.Obviously I'm still fine since I am still typing
this post.

Longing for the day.
The day I could put on a genuine smile.
The day I could proudly say
"This Is Who I Really Am !"

I'm glad I felt the way before.
Will there be anyone else who can make me
feel the same way?

Look at the time this post is up...
Wtf right??Damn early for Chinese New Year first
day.I was expecting all night gambling and end up
everyone went home early...This is so different than
year or the year before.First time my CNY ended
this early.

Maybe it's a good thing.Some screwed up CNY I had.
Sore throat,runny nose,cough and slight fever.I hardly
put anything into my mouth.I guess I'm not going to
gain any weight this year....

I'm sick.I'm tired.What else?As if my life isn't hard
enough.I guess that is all I gotta write.Lazy.Drunk.
I just hope I can get better so that I can enjoy more
of this CNY.Chiaoz.

It's been a while since I felt alive.Everything seems clear
to me now.I had been very,I mean very very confused.
My feelings gone haywire.I couldn't think rationally.I
abandon so much things,throwing away so much more.
I drown myself in games,television so I can keep running
away from the truth.Oh I forgot,'sleep'.So much thing I don't
wanna face.

But that was few month ago.I made myself a ticking time bomb.
Temper like shit.Anti-social.Dunno what else to name.Too
many fucked up nonsense I made myself to.

Sad to say,it took one tragic event to make me realise the black
cloud surrounding me.He put me in a different position.He gave
me a new point of view.A new life.I missed him.I loved him.My
deepest regret,I din get to see him one last time when he was in
the hospital.

Some fucked up 3 months I gone thru.At least now everything is
fine.Although I lost people dearest to me,I got so outdated on
what's happening.But I feel I'm a lot better than before.At least
I dare to write this damn post which cost me few drops of tears.

I'm sorry to those I hurt during the holz and thank you so much
for those who cared about me.I didn't reply your messages I'm
sorry but I appreciate it very much.So thank you.

p.s. feel free to prasan since names are not mention
p.p.s.Happy Chinese New Year !
p.p.p.s.Im signing off.Toodlez.

Time has been harsh to everyone of us.As time pass,things fade.
Until nothing was left.The joy we use to have,slowly becomes only
a memory.The freedom we use to have was long lost as time pass.
Now the only thing we can do,open our dear hands and welcome
stress and misery into our life.Life is definately not fair.Some might
able to live in the presence,some forever stuck in the pass.A simple
mistake made,lives deep in our heart.Surfacing every now and then
causing guilt.

Its practically impossible to not feel regret.Actions of our past.The
idiocy we had always find a way to haunt us,sooner or later.And when
it does,it actually stays very long.Could be months.It all takes courage
and heart to overcome it.(Sadly some characteristic im lacking)Will
things be the same if humans have just bulk up the courage to correct
things that we did in the past?Will now the present be any different.

Ignoring signs,messages could be fatal.A sign of hope could mean so
much more than u expect only if you choose to accept it.Things
could go different,very different.But who knows how it might be.Its
like choosing at a forked road.There no way of knowing where the
other road lead.Choosing one means thats it.Other people now has
the same opportunity and losing one means that's it.GAME OVER!

Lies.The most hurtful aspect.Needless more comment,it sucks.Just one
lie and this is where you stand today.Dire consequences.

I know now,many things I screwed up in the past.It haasnt been the same.
Although I hope it could be.The scar of the past will forever remain.
Chances doesn't come often and I let it slip pass me.It took me some
time but now I could say.FUCK the past.Mistakes have been done.
Things cant be change.The search for that tiny sparkle light of hope
continue but it surely difficult.Chances of finding it could be like chances
of snowing in Malaysia.

I'm sorry for all the dumb things I had done.And thank you
for the chances you have given me in the past.I am who
I am now.Finally a better person.

Good bye.